Friday, March 5, 2010

Having Depression

I suffer from depression. It's not something I talk about and before this not many people knew about it. What do you say? That's always been my problem. Well, I thought maybe if I wrote about my depression some I could maybe find the words and talking might become less hard.

I've always been a melancholy introverted creative sort of person and have had what I now know to be bouts of depression my whole life. Things really came to a head when we went through infertility treatments and I finally sought out some help to deal with my emotional overload. Right away I was put on medication because I was so low all I could do was cry and sleep so talk therapy wasn't much use yet. Finding the "right" medication mix is not a fun process. Some drugs made me worse, some had side affects that I couldn't live with - hands that shook so badly I couldn't lift a plate let alone knit and one even made me act like I was drunk and couldn't walk straight, and some just did nothing. When my doctor finally found the right "cocktail" of medications my world got appreciably better.

Then talk therapy was added which became quite a help and looks like a mainstay in my life. I'm just realizing that this will be my life. Just like alcoholism depression really doesn't go away. I have good periods and then low periods, but the depression is always there. That's why I need to learn to talk about this major aspect of my life.

Right now I'm in a low and having my medications adjusted. Both my doctors want me to join a support group. I'm not a good joiner, but I'm going to give it a try. The hope is that if I have more and more people to reach out to I'll catch myself before I get too low again and maintain a more even balance.

This post is an abrupt change from my usual postings, but I felt the need to reach out. Maybe some of you also suffer from depression. I would like to hear your stories. Let's start talking.


  1. I have depression and sometimes I think maybe it might be okay to finally come off my medication but then after a few days of trying I totally fall apart so I guess I will be on thm for a while yet. We're currently undergoing infertility treatment and some days even the pills aren't enough for the sadness of that to break through.
    I think more people are suffering from it these days for whatever reason. I started havin bouts when I was 8 and I just have to learn to cope as best I can. I have found in the past couselling can help )although I stopped that when my counsellor made me draw with crayons)

  2. I think infertility treatments can be such a roller coaster ride that there isn't much that can help. I held the mantra that "I will be a parent" I didn't know how this was going to happen, but happen it did. We are going back to try for a second child in just a few days. I wish you luck!